Forget monologues and tragic endings — sometimes a slogan cap says it all. Here’s how we’d dress the classics (and a few modern icons) if they could just embroider their personalities on a hat.
Delulu Is the Solulu — Jay Gatsby (The Great Gatsby)
Built an empire, threw endless parties, all for a girl he kissed once. Peak delulu energy.
I’m Like That — Julius Caesar (Shakespeare)
Crossed the Rubicon, conquered Gaul, ended the Republic. He doesn’t explain — he declares.
Vibes Not Solutions — Romeo (Romeo and Juliet)
Instant emotional intensity, dramatic gestures, no problem-solving.
Always Been That Girl — Emma Bovary (Madame Bovary)
Dreaming of Paris, chasing impossible romances, and never settling for ordinary — Emma was effortlessly iconic long before “that girl” was a thing.
Born to Slay, Forced to Work — Yossarian (Catch-22)
Dodging bureaucracy, questioning authority, stuck in a war he wants no part of. Slays with wit, but the grind is eternal.
Doing My Best — Oliver Twist (Oliver Twist)
Just a hungry orphan politely asking for more. Doing his best in the bleakest conditions.
Off on a Side Quest — Lemuel Gulliver (Gulliver’s Travels)
Lands in Lilliput, Brobdingnag, Laputa, and beyond. Unexpected detours, bizarre adventures, total side quest energy.
Literally Just a Girl — Dorothy Gale (The Wizard of Oz)
Just a girl navigating a strange world, trying to find her way home.
Slay Queen — Daenerys Targaryen (Game of Thrones)
Dragons at her command, kingdoms to liberate, entrances that steal the scene — Daenerys was born to slay, no excuses needed.
Thought Daughter — Hermione Granger (Harry Potter)
Top grades, endless theories, and constant essays nobody asked for. Queen of the overthinkers.
Undiagnosed But Pretty Sure — Victor Frankenstein (Frankenstein)
Compulsive grave-robbing? Obsession with lightning? Definitely something going on there.
Thug It Out — Odysseus (The Odyssey)
Shipwrecked, cursed, monster-attacked, and still crawls home after 10 years. Definition of thugging it out.
Passenger Princess — Daisy Buchanan (The Great Gatsby)
One thing about Daisy: she’s not driving. Don’t hand her the keys.
Do It for the Plot — Captain Ahab (Moby-Dick)
Waged an entire life-or-death war against a whale. All for the drama.
Tummy Ache Survivor — Gregor Samsa (The Metamorphosis)
Went to bed human, woke up bug. That’s one way to describe a stomach ache.
Yeah the Girls — The March Sisters (Little Women)
Sisterhood, chaos, ambition, love — the original “yeah the girls” energy.
Born to Yap — Elizabeth Bennet (Pride and Prejudice)
Quick-witted, sharp-tongued, and never short on clever comebacks — Elizabeth was born to yap and steal every conversation.
Hot Girl Walk — Jack Kerouac (On the Road)
The original cross-country hot girl walk. Just replace steps with hitchhiking and jazz clubs.
Thinking Cap — Raskolnikov (Crime and Punishment)
Brooded himself into crime, then brooded about brooding. Too much thinking, not enough cap.
Flop Era Survivor — Santiago (The Alchemist)
Wandered the desert, made mistakes, lost everything, kept going. Flop era? Survived.
Final Chapter:
Turns out, literature is just people making questionable life choices in dramatic fashion. Which is basically what slogan caps were made for. Wear the book you’d be in.